One of my favorite places to be when there is just so many things on my mind. I come here to just breathe and pour my heart out.
Lately I’ve just been so overwhelmed by life. A few months ago we lost our home. So that was very hard to deal with, and still is super hard to believe that we do not have a house to call “our home” anymore.
Thankful my parents and sisters all have somewhere to stay, but it just isn’t home. I miss being able to have my own room where I can just be alone and write for hours upon hours and listen to music. I miss waking up on weekends to the smell of coffee and walking into the living room to see my parents sitting together just enjoying their day. I miss the feeling of being happy to have family dinners almost every night.
We’ve been praying and praying for a home and it almost seems as if God forgot about us. (I know He hasn’t forgotten us seriously) It just feels like I’ve been screaming and crying my eyes out to nothing. “God why this? Why that? Why? Why? Why? We have so many people praying for and with us also but it still seems that there is no answer coming from anywhere?
For awhile I just gave up on God and notice how much more miserable and depressed I became. Then finally, it hit me. “For we walk by faith, not by sight. (II Corinthians 5:7, 12 NKJV)” Duhhhh! Often times we get so caught up with depression and anger that we forget to keep our eyes on The One who knows all.
So now my questions are: “Okay God, what is it that You want to teach us? What is on Your heart? What do I need to do now?” We always ask God for things, but in return we never ask Him for what He wants from us?
The other night I was listening to Banning Liebscher’s message at JCLA. Man oh man did that message just wreck my heart inside and out. He shared about how he laughs every time people think that God only wants 10% of our giving. But God is a just God. He wants it all. He wants 100% of it. Banning also shared another story about when Jesus feed the five thousand with just five loaves and two fish. Jesus didn’t take only one loft and one fish. No! He said “Bring them (as in all) to Me.” Jesus wants all of us! Not just little by little. He wants us all to surrender our entire being to Him so that He can give us so much more than we could ever imagine!
So yeah, I need a get away where it is just me and Jesus!!